


Soldier On

by Titanoli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, First fanfic ever, M/M, Regret, Shitty Title, shitty ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titanoli/pseuds/Titanoli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren gathers the courage to confess to Levi, only to find himself turned away.</p><p>Levi just wanted to do what was best for Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soldier On

**Author's Note:**

> okay okay so this is the first fanfiction i've ever written, and also the first of my works i've ever posted online anywhere. (i tend to erase everything right after i write it. //shot)
> 
> so i apologize if it isn't very good- also, sorry for hurting the adorable little babies. :c
> 
>  
> 
> oh right, this is unedited. I added some things from when I posted it on another site but i don't remember fixing anything, so please post any mistakes i made. criticism is welcome, too. ^^ it really helps. thank you! <3

_“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I love you, Levi.”_

_The blue-green eyes of a beautiful eighteen year old boy lifted, filled with hope and fear, and brimming the love that had just been confessed. He'd seen it many times before- everyone had seen. The kid was terrible at hiding his feelings._

_Levi wouldn’t take away his future, though. He couldn’t. Eren had a right to be happy with someone better than him. Someone better than the self-loathing neurotic old man that was him. It was a miracle Eren had stuck around, let alone developed feelings for the short, shitty old man who seemed capable of nothing but insults._

 

\---

 

Levi couldn’t take it. It was his fault, his fault

_his fault_

everything was

his fault

and he stared at the wall for three days and nights chanting

my fault my fault  _my_  fault

and the woman with the crazy hair and thick plastic glasses tried not to cry

and the tall, broad man with eyes like ice stood nearby, always always always calculating

 

\---

 

_“Eren, it’s never going to work.”_

_He could only watch as the boy’s face fell. Eren was shattering, he could tell, and Levi felt himself cracking as well. He continued crushing the boy, however, completely unaware of what was to come of his actions._

_“I’m thirty years old, Eren. That’s almost twice your age. How would your parents react? Your friends? It wouldn’t work even if they didn’t care, you dumbass brat. You don’t have any experience in life, however much you lie to yourself. And me? I’ve seen too much. You can’t impress me. You_ never _have, what with the way you_ never _think things through, and not even with the way you always try to clean for me and_ do a shitty job _. I always have to clean up after you, you_ filthy brat _. The only thing we’d do if we were anything more than this is butt heads. You're lucky I don't return your teenage fantasies.”  
Lies. They were all lies. He needed to get Eren to give up on him. Eren deserved more, he deserved someone who could love him and _ actually show it _._

_That was what he told himself, anyways. It was hard to watch the look of despair on Eren’s face. Somehow, even his messy chocolate hair looked sad and Levi might have twitched the corner of his mouth in other circumsances._

_He soldiered on despite the pain._

 

\---

 

Levi had missed the funeral.

He didn’t get to see the stupid brat one last time, unaware of and unable to process anything Hanji told him. The woman took care of him at least, making sure he ate at least once a day when she came to visit.

 

He might have died if she didn’t keep visiting.

 

He wouldn’t have minded.

He might have even preffered it.

The only thing in his mind was his last memory of those gorgeous, shining eyes, glistening with tears and hurt, and finally, nothing, emotionless as they shed drops of salty water. He had put that look there, and he witnessed it on replay, torturing himself with the memory

again

 

 

 

 

again

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

again

It was all his fault.

 

\---

 

_Eren hadn’t said anything- only one word as Levi turned away, the shorter man’s chest constricting and making it hard to breathe. He did it because he needed to. He did it because he had to._

_It was the biggest lie Levi had ever told himself, setting his face and heart and mind in stone as he heard the whimpered “wait.”_

_He didn’t look back._

_He couldn't face Eren again._

_He should have._

_He wished now more than anything that he had._

 

\---

 

Everything was becoming clear to him.

 

\---

 

_Three days._   
_It had been three days since Levi had turned his back on Eren._   
_Three days since they had exchanged a single word._   
_Three days before Levi got the call._

 

_He went peacefully, they told him. Sleeping pills and a bottle of beer._   
_Nobody realized until hours later. They thought he was sleeping, or perhaps mourning still._

 

_Levi blamed himself. He hated himself, for hurting the one person he had ever let himself love because-_

 

 

 

 

 

_  
Eren died alone._

 

\---

 

So would Levi.

 

\---

 

_They could have been happy._


End file.
